Let’s skip the crap and cut right to the chase. E! Online yesterday reported that Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for using a lookalike in their “Super C-U-T-E” ad campaign seen in the video above. Her lawyers filed a federal law suit over Old Navy’s “unauthorized use of Kardashian’s name, likeness, identity and persona.”
She is not only suing for up to $20 million in damages, but is also seeking an injunction against the company for the alleged allegations.
“I’ve worked hard to support the products I’m personally involved with that I believe in,” Kim said.
The Obvious Hater
Let’s go through the reasons why no guy in the world would get the actress in the commercial (actually she’s a singer from Canada named Melissa Molinaro) confused with Kim Kardashian. Walk with me:
1. Melissa is much more petite. Not that I’m saying she’s petite, just more so than the voluptuously figured Kardashian. Talking about boobage and buttage here. She’s cute, but Kim has an ass that just won’t quit.
2. Doesn’t even look like her. If anything, she kinda looks like that chick from the Pussycat Dolls. The one with the bad-ass last name that when pronounced aloud sounds like a surprised sneeze. Like you had no idea you were about to sneeze and just did it anyway.
3. Melissa actually shows her previously mentioned booty. Kim is a notorious tease and just won’t turn around when you want her to, which, if you’re like me, is all the time. Just…just turn around more often. How hard is that?
4. There’s waaay too much movement and action for it to be Kim. The singing (lip syncing), dancing, jumping on things…Kim just wouldn’t do that. As evidenced by her sex tape, Kim has never moved that much on camera, even when she thinks no one else will eventually see.
Far too long have I defended Kim Kardashian. When people finally saw her sister Kourtney for the first time and said she was hotter than Kim I said nay. “Kim is still the cream of the crop,” I said.
When people said that her butt was fake I laughed. Hard. I laughed at their jealously. Laughed at their lack of faith. I had her back (or at least wished I did) the whole time.
When people said she was a conceited jack ass who only became famous because she was friends with Paris Hilton, I said—-alright, I got nothin’. That and the sex tape are the only reason she’s famous.
So until she gets her head out of her wonderfully shaped ass, she is no longer my favorite Kardashian. It is now Khloe. Because what she lacks in looks, she makes up for in personality. Yes, I actually said that about a Kardashian.
See what Melissa Molinaro has to say about the situation.
Yesterday at Comic-Con Microsoft annou— excuse me. I had to wipe the drool from my mouth—announced a limited edition Star Wars Xbox 360 console that will be available later this year. Since the video tells you everything you need to know with the exception of a release date, I will use this time to tell you that the first person to buy this for me gets my soul in exchange.
Yes, I know it’s not an even trade, but—it freakin’ makes R2D2 sounds when it powers up! I need this in my life. Or I need $450 for it. Either will do.
Disclaimer: If you haven’t seen it already, do not watch the video until you are instructed to do so. There is quite a bit of information that needs to be absorbed in order to make it all the sweeter. The video is only at the top because it looks better there.
The Story
They’ve been playing for over forty minutes with a man down, barely able to attack because of the disadvantage. The five-time reigning world player of the year has just scored her second goal of the game for Brazil in the first period of extra time. The world #1 ranked USA Women’s National Soccer Team had just twenty-eight minutes left to salvage their World Cup title hopes and make it to the semifinals of the tournament. Win this game or go home.
Fast-forward twenty-five minutes.
120 minutes on the clock and down to Brazil 2-1, USA midfielder Carli Lloyd hits a shot over the crossbar which she must have felt was the final opportunity to score an equalizing goal. A moment later, an additional three minutes are added to the game. Brazil, leading, but had looked tired for the past thirty minutes, looked utterly dejected as they had tried everything to squeeze every second out of the game and have it finish 2-1.
The USA had a shot. They had just a few more precious minutes to score an equalizing goal, and with what little time was left, it would surely be the final goal of the game.
With ninety seconds left in the game and a previously neutral German audience on their side, the USA surged the length of the field for one final attack. Never had a team came back to score an equalizing goal in the Women’s World Cup with man disadvantage in extra time. Never had a goal been scored as late as the 122nd minute. Never had a nation been so engrossed in a woman’s sporting event. Until yesterday.
Now would be the time to watch the video.
Active US National Team leading scorer—and all around baller—Abby Wombach converted a beautiful Megan Rapinoe cross in the 122nd minute of the match leveling the score, and more importantly, sending the game to penalties with the number one goal keeper in the world on her side.
After the equalizing goal and the match being taken to a penalty shoot out, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that the US would come out victorious. Newly promoted member of (the now co-ed) Team Shut It Down and my new girlfriend, Hope Solo, saved Brazil’s third penalty shot to pave the way for a USA victory. The final penalty was converted by Ali Kreiger who, coincidentally, plays her professional soccer in Germany, and the US completed a comeback never before seen in the Women’s World Cup tournament.
This sent Americans, men and women, sports casters and professional athletes, Hollywood actors and normal folk alike into a frenzy of patriotism. This wasn’t just a victory for women professional sports.
No.
This was not just a victory for little girls everywhere, reenacting the game-winning goal, hoping to one day replicate Abby Womach or Hope Solo’s heroics.
No.
This was a victory for the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. This was a victory symbolic of a nation. The will to fight against all odds, the will to stand up and be counted in the face of adversity. The will to look defeat square in the face, throw your head back and laugh. Laugh at the extremely high improbably of winning. And then winning.
This was a victory that transcends sports, transcends gender, transcends America!
Deep breath. Exhale.
The Hater
Unfortunately, this is Hater of the Day and not Battlecry of the Day.
The only reason the US National team were put in this position is because of the most horrendous piece of officiating this side of Tim Donaghy. The United States had a player sent off, deservedly so, for a foul in the penalty box on Brazil’s Marta. Albeit harsh, I do understand the sending off. What I don’t understand, and still weren’t given an explanation for, was the resulting penalty kick.
Hope Solo, USA’s goal keeper saved the resulting penalty kick (as seen above) much to the elation of everyone that wasn’t Brazilian. After the cheers died down, however, Hope realized that she had been called for encroachment and the penalty kick would have to be retaken. Actually, Hope still doesn’t know who encroachment was called on, because she and the rest of the US team were never given an explanation.
Marta then converted the next penalty kick to put the score level, leaving, once again, everyone that wasn’t Brazilian fuming.
Brazil’s second goal came in the opening moments of the first period of over time, and should have been called offside, but wasn’t. And the only reason there was an additional three minutes added to the second period of over time, was because the Brazilan player Erika, wasted time by faking an injury. Seriously, the woman was taken off the field tied to a stretcher, unbuckled herself from the stretcher, and jogged back onto the field when she was allowed to do so by the referee.
Again we were fuming, again the US could have hung their heads in defeat. Instead they endured. Even with a man down, even a goal down in the final moments of the game, they endured. And they won. And honorary American announcer Ian Darke, again, called it perfectly.
The US play France in the semifinal this Wednesday, July 13th, at 12pm eastern time. It’ll be played on ESPN and streamed for free on ESPN3.com if you’d like to watch.
Go on ladies! Smile and wave at the haters over at FIFA and go on and win this thing!
To the delight of most people (me, everyone in Dallas, everyone in Cleveland), and the dismay of others (bandwagon Heat fans, LeBron nut-huggers, Scottie Pippen), the Dallas Mavericks defeated the Miami Heat in the sixth game of the NBA finals to win the series and take the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy.
What does this really mean? That the Decision making, title guaranteeing, ultimate choke artist Queen LeBron “Someone please find my 4th quarter performance” James doesn’t have the first of the seven titles in which he set out to obtain before the season even started.
The Hater
When asked if it bothered him that so many people are happy to see him fail, LeBrick had this to say:
Absolutely not. ‘Cause at the end of the day all the people that was rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m gonna continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do and me and my family will be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing they goal, but they gotta get back to the real world at some point.”
Translation: “I’m rich, biatch! Yeah, that’s right. I got’s money to do whatever I want and you will wake up tomorrow without an NBA championship just like— “
You? Yes, oddly enough I did wake up today with the same life I had yesterday. But so did you. You woke up yesterday not getting fitted for a diamond encrusted championship ring and neither did I.
This is exactly why so many people want you to fail. You make dumb comments like this one basically saying that people have personal problems if they don’t like you, you name yourself king, you back out of the 2010 Slam Dunk Contest when you said on national TV that you would be in it (yes, I’m still salty about that), you get “chosen one” inked on your back, you make stupid ass “decisions,” you guarantee multiple titles before your new team takes the floor, and then can’t own up to the fact that you choked like a bitch when your team needed you the most.
You’re a front runner. When things are going great, you’re the man of the hour dunking on people and screaming into the sky. But when things are going south and your team need you to contribute, you average 3 points in the 4th quarter for the entire NBA finals.
You know who else woke up with the same life they had yesterday? Dirk Nowitzky. I doubt he even went to sleep last night because he was out celebrating kicking your ass. When his team needed him, he came through in the clutch. He dragged them through the muck and the mud and led them to victory after overcoming a 15 point deficit with 8 minutes left to go in game 2, he was as sick as dog in game 4 and hit the game winning shot, and after finishing the first half shooting only 1-12, he finished going 8-15 in the second half.
Hey, LeBron — tell me how my schnitzel tastes!
And lets not even talk about the 27 points Jason Terry dropped on you off the bench last night. He called you out saying that you couldn’t guard him for seven games, and guess what? You couldn’t even do it for six.
If you were watching the NBA Finals on ABC, you may have seen this ad for NBA2K12. Don’t get too excited, because the gameplay featured in the trailer is from NBA2K11, but at least you have an official release date.
With the NBA Finals beginning in mere moments we decided to run a few simulations to see which team would come out on top. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m pretty disappointed.
Hater Ass Jon’s simulation
Game 1: Dallas Mavericks 123 – Miami Heat – 101
The Mavs came storming out of the gate in the first quarter scoring 30 points to the Heat’s 13. They never looked back from there. Dirk dropped 40 points and was 16/22 shooting.
Game 2: Dallas Mavericks 86 – Miami Heat – 101
The Heat realized that they were in the NBA finals. D-Wade and LeBron combined for 65 points. The series is tied 1-1.
Game 3: Miami Heat 100 – Dallas Mavericks 105
In an overtime thriller, Jason Terry led the Mavs to victory with a 30 point performance coming off the bench. Dallas leads the series 2-1.
Game 4: Miami Heat 88 – Dallas Mavericks 85
In a defensive battle, Dirk Nowitzki hit a game tying shot with 2.6 seconds left to go. That was time enough for Dwayne Wade who hit a buzzer-beating 3-pointer to take the victory. Series tied 2-2.
Game 5: Miami Heat 108- Dallas Mavericks 86
The Heat caught fire early, once being up by as many as 40 points. They lead the series 3-2 with a chance to clinch the title at home.
Game 6: Dallas Mavericks 101 – Miami Heat 110
In this must win for the Mavs, the Heat are too much late on in the 4th quarter going on a 12-2 run to defeat the Mavs in 6 games.
NBA Finals Winner: Miami Heat
Finals MVP: LeBron James
———————————————————————————–
Wiz’s Simulation
Game 1: Dallas Mavericks 86 – Miami Heat 101
The Heat were having none of the Mavs’ antics and take a resounding 1-0 lead in the NBA Finals.
D-Wade: 37 pts
Dirk: 32 pts
Game 2: Dallas Mavericks 109 – Miami Heat 116
Not letting up on the Mavs at all, the Heat take game 2, and go up 2 in the series
Bosh: 30 pts, D-Wade 29 pts
Dirk: 37 pts
Game 3: Miami Heat 85 – Dallas Mavericks 95
Failing to lay down and die, the Mavs win their first home game of the series. Still, it’s 2-1 to Heat.
Dirk: 26pts, Jason Terry: 14pts
James: 34 pts
Game 4: Miami Heat 106 – Dallas Mavericks 85
The Heat brought the Mavs back down to earth quite rudely. They lead the series 3-1.
James: 36pts
Game 5: Miami Heat 101 – Dallas Mavericks 100 The Heat took no chances in waiting to return home. They finish off the series in Dallas.
James: 38pts, Bosh: 26pts, Wade: 17pts
Dirk: 28pts, Jason Terry: 25pts
NBA Finals Winner: Miami Heat
Finals MPV: LeBron James
———————————————————————————–
So both of our simulations had the Heat taking the championship, and the clown that brought his talents to South Beach also got them a ring. Here’s hoping that video games are video games, and real life will be different.
Activision revealed their “Elite” service today for their upcoming title Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, which is set to arrive on November 8th of this year. Dubbed Call of Duty Elite, the subscription service adds an elaborate social layer to its Call of Duty games, allowing players to look up their stats, create groups, post replays, create strategies, and trash talk for the next 5 years about the lucky headshot you got in a match.
This sounds nice for a franchise title that has been bringing in the dough for Activision for quite some time now, but there is a catch; this being Activision, they’re going to charge for the most elite of Elite‘s services. Activision promises that many of the key features of Elite will be free, but they will also be offering a premium membership “with a wide range of state-of-the-art services, exclusive entertainment programming and all-inclusive game content for less than the cost of any comparable online entertainment service currently in the market.”
Nothing has been set in stone, but rumor has it that it is going to be around $5 – $8 a month. Here’s a snippet from the official press release:
Connect:Call of Duty Elite gives players unprecedented control over their multiplayer experience, transforming it into a true social network. Players can compete against friends, players of similar skill levels and players with similar interests, join groups, join clans, and play in organized tournaments. They can also track the performance, progress and activity of their entire network, both in the game itself, as well as through mobile and web interfaces. Elite will be an “always on” way for players to connect with the Call of Duty community.
Compete:Call of Duty Elite establishes the most exciting, competitive environment in a multiplayer game. Players will have available a constant stream of events and competitions, tiered to group them with those with similar abilities. Both in-game and real-world prizes will be rewarded to all skill levels.
Improve:Call of Duty Elite is like having a personal online coach. It provides players with a dynamic strategy guide that tracks their statistics and performances down to the most minute details. It can show gamers how they stack up against their friends or others in the community. Tools and information are provided so players can learn and up their game.”
So for a small fee you are getting this brand new social network for your Call of Duty fever, but haven’t we seen this before? Yes, we have. Bungie has been doing this with the Halo series at least since Halo 2 was launched in 2004. And that’s just for consoles. EA and the Battlefield franchise have also had the social networking/stat tracking system on both their console and PC titles.
To me Call of Duty Elite feels like the offspring of Bungie.net if it was to somehow mate with the Battlefield stack tracking system and cheat on it with Steam, forming an expensive illegitimate love child. Hopefully Activision has some new features they can add to their Elite service so it doesn’t feel like people are paying for something they’ve already seen.
I will say that this can be a smart move for Activision to bring in some extra money for their Call of Duty franchise. If they can develop a great social network that differs from all the others, with their fan base, I don’t see why they can’t double their profits from their last Call of Duty game. Keep in mind that Activision is still in a lawsuit with Jason West and Vince Zampella, the former heads of Infinity Ward, for the creative rights to the Call of Duty franchise. That case will take some time to resolve, so in the mean time Activision can cash in on the franchise while the trial is still going.
As mentioned before, Call of Duty Elite will release alongside Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 on November 8, 2011. For more information visit the Call of Duty Elite official website.
Disclaimer: I am disgusted. It’s taking all of my will power not scream aloud everything I’m writing in order make you feel how angry I am. Of course you can’t hear it, but my irrational thinking is another sign of my rage. Equally difficult is managing to sit down for more than thirty seconds at a time because I keep angrily spinning out of my chair and stalking around the room, thinking of this treachery, this disloyalty, this act of treason, and it infuriates me to my very core. But all I have to do is breathe. Breathe . . .
The Story
Earlier today on Mike & Mike in the Morning, Scottie Pippen compared LeBron James to his old team mate and partner in crime, Michael Jordan. “Michael Jordan is probably the greatest scorer to play the game,” said Pippen. “But I may go as far as to say LeBron James may be the greatest player to ever play the game because he is so potent offensively that not only can he score at will but he keeps everybody involved.
“You have to be on your P’s and Q’s on defense. No guy on the basketball court is not a threat to score with LeBron James out there. Not only will LeBron dominate from the offensive end as well, but he’s also doing it on the defensive end, which really makes him the complete package. He’s able to get in those passing lanes, shoot those gaps and create transition opportunities where he is pretty much unstoppable.”
The Hater
You disloyal, fool ass, bitch made punk. How could you, Scottie? How dare you disrespect the man that led you to six championships and is personally responsible for you going to the hall of fame?
Analysts, fine. Commentators, fine. Any other player, fine. But you, Scottie? This is blasphemy in its highest form, and if I didn’t hear it, if I didn’t see it on ESPN this morning, I wouldn’t have believed it. It’s unfathomable that Scottie had the audacity to say something like this.
And he wasn’t backing away from it either. In response to every rational human being railing on him, he had this to post on his twitter:
For all of you that don’t know , I played the game you keep watching and cheering.”
What’s wrong, Scottie? Are you mad because you wanted to be Batman instead of Robin? The Lone Ranger instead of Tonto? Don Quixote instead of Pancho? Scottie Pippen instead of Mi— wait. You see? You are the archetype of side kicks no matter how much you wanted to be the star of the show. And everyone will remember you as a number two, and we love you for it. And that’s why you have six rings. Batman iced you up, and you wouldn’t have a damn thing without him.
Let’s let Bron Bron get one ring before we even start comparing him to the man you owe your career to. K, pumpkin?
Leave your comments and counter arguments below, but be warned. I’m feeling froggy and I will leap.
It’s the time of year again FIFA Soccer tries to sell me on some new feature that will be negated by other gameplay designs. This time, it looks like EA Canada has added some extra animations involving collisions. Guess what? I don’t care. Just make it so that defenders’ AI isn’t turned off when crosses come into the box.
Microsoft has confirmed reports of errors occurring while users are browsing and purchasing content from Xbox Live and Games for Windows Marketplace, saying an “internal operational error” is behind the issues.
First reported earlier this morning by gamers, online gameplay and other features of Xbox Live appear unaffected by the problem. Microsoft says it is “actively working to resolve the issue as quickly as possible,” but gave no time frame for the restoration of the service.
